I am exhausted. I am drained. This past year has been a hard one for a lot of people - the economy has been in the dumps, jobs have been lost, raises have disappeared. My story is not more special than anyone else's, but I have found myself starting a new chapter. I left my life behind and ran off to New York to begin again. By the time I arrive here I feel brittle, like my bones have been drained of marrow.
My new apartment is beautiful and I hoped to be inspired to continue my potluck grocery night parties and cook for my new roommates in our open kitchen. For the first time in my adult life I have a dining room. I have used it once. I could be inspired. I should be inspired. I feel lonely and almost never hungry. I have orange juice for dinner most nights after coming home from working at a restaurant. A swig straight from the carton.
I have never liked to cook for just myself. I do not feel inspired to cook now - but food is still my inspiration. When I taste something sharp and vinegary it's like a magic potion. I feel alive again - even if it's only on my tongue. I cling to that part of me that feels life, and have fallen in love with the hot pickled vegetables that Brklyn Larder puts on their salami and provolone sandwich.
So I have decided to spend this year nourishing myself, quite literally, back to a spiritual balance. I am going to feed myself healthy again. So I am spending an exorbitant amount every day on my sandwiches (convincing myself that I can afford it because it is my only real meal each day), and investing in that which makes me feel alive. I am going to write about what I find that is inspiring enough to my palate to bring be back to life.